Auntie Val's Sports Review of the Year

As the dust settles on another sporting year, Sporthole prepares to pick out its highs and lows, and hand out a gleaming batch of gongs, in the Sports Review of the Year. Regrettably, Sporthole is unable to do so, as it has a New Year's party to attend. As a result, Sporthole's auntie Val has kindly agreed to step in, and give us a rundown of her highlights of the year in sport, and making some predictions for next season:

SPORTSMAN OF THE YEAR:

I do like that Jenson Buttons. Seems like a nice boy, very polite.

SPORTSWOMAN OF THE YEAR:

Does Kelly Holmes still do running? OK, Sue Barker then.

FOOTBALLER OF THE YEAR:

Oh, that one, my grandson loves him, Spanish fella, loves himself, always flexing his muscles. He's not my cup of tea, I prefer Nadal (Cristiano Ronaldo).

GOAL OF THE SEASON:

Um... Wayne Rooneys?

VILLAIN OF THE YEAR:

That Tiger Woods has been a naughty boy, hasn't he? Still, I wouldn't say no!


SPORTING MOMENT OF 2009:

It was funny when that Tic-Tac ad came on during the football. Your Uncle Roy was so angry I sent him out into the garden to calm down.


Predictions for 2010:

RISING STAR: Wayne Rooneys.

WORLD CUP WINNERS: Well it won't be England, they're rubbish, always lose just as I get into it. I like them Italians, are they in it? Nice legs.

COMEBACK OF THE YEAR: Who was that bloke you were talking about Roy? That German driver, the one you love to hate. Schumachers! Well it's like riding a bike, you don't forget how do you? Although Roy did after his operation.

CAN ANDY MURRAY WIN WIMBLEDON?: Let's hope so! Come on Murray! No, I don't think so. It'll be that Federers again. Smug Swiss so-and-so.


Anyway, I'd better go, Roy and I are watching that Irish fella count down to 2010. I don't know, New Years, it's all a lot of fuss over nothing isn't it? Still, I like it. I preferred when that bald man from America used to do it. What was his name Roy? That's it, Clive James.