Mancini: "OK, Let's Talk About Transfers Now "

MANCHESTER, UK - Having earlier this week refused to discuss transfers until after the much-anticipated Carling Cup semi-final against Man Utd, Roberto Mancini waited three minutes following the game's postponement before calling an impromptu press conference.

"Listen, I know I said no transfer talk before the game", the Italian told a sparse, hastily assembled crowd. "But I've just been told the game is off for like, two weeks, and I can't wait that long, So let's talk about transfers". Mancini then gestured to a steward, who proceeded to play 'Money Money Money' over the loudspeaker, before Mancini began to read a list of transfer targets from a sheet of paper, ranging from the realistic (Patrick Vieira on a loan until the end of the season) to targets involving retired footballers and even stars from the worlds of movies and rock music, including U2 star Bono.

Mancini closed the press conference by performing an improvised, barely comprehensible rendition of 'Favourite Things', and announcing that Benjani was available for a cut-price £1m.