Bill Paxton's Big Superbowl Preview

Hi, I'm Bill Paxton. You've probably seen me being heartfelt yet still overtly masculine in Weird Science, or Apollo 13, but my finest hour was playing a scientist caught in a fearsome F5 storm in the smash hit movie Twister. When I'm not outrunning a tornado, I love my sports, especially the NFL. On the set of Twister, I used to carry a football around with me and run some plays with whoever I could find. Good times. Anyways, it's time to sit tight, secure all your windows and doors, as I preview the two smokin' match-ups tonight for a place in the Superbowl.

AFC Championship Game - New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts:

Colts' QB Peyton Manning has been throwing with the force of an F5 all year, leaving a trail of devastation behind him five miles wide. He's consistently used the football like a twister uses debris, hurling it forward with almighty force, creating even greater destruction. The Colts tore up their division like a hurricane, and are hotter favourites than a tornado up against an unstable farm outbuilding.

The Jets, however, are an outbuilding with a fat gasoline tanker inside, just waiting to rip your face clean off. These mothers are all about blocking and running it, like a gale force wind pushing you over a cliff. They were practically out of the play-offs a month ago, but have built a surging momentum over recent games. You know what else builds momentum gradually? That's right, a twister. And you know what happens next.

Jets to win.


NFC Championship Game - Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints:

Vikings' QB Brett Favre is like a monsoon; every year he comes back, stronger than ever, pounding the opposition 'til they run home crying to mama. Favre took the Cowboys back to school last week, ripping open their defense like the finger of God tearing through a trailer park. The Vikings as a unit remind me of the simulated tornadoes I experienced while filming Twister: powerful, and concentrated. That said, the Vikings are a storm that never seems to terrorise the Superbowl, despite blowin' into the big game four times.

The Saints are defined by storms as much as myself. Hurricane Katrina devastated the city and has made the Saints the team all neutrals are rooting for. It would be in poor taste for me to compare the Saints to the awesome storm that ravaged their city. Instead I would compare them to a tidal wave that triggers an almighty flood, pouring forward at every opportunity, submerging the opposition with attacking menance. Oh wait, there was a flood too, wasn't there? God damn it Paxton.

Saints to win.

So there it is. I'm Bill Paxton, and I'm expecting a Jets-Saints matchup in Miami. Just like a twister, though, the NFL can always throw up a surprise. Hold on tight, people. This is gonna be a big one.

I'm Bill Paxton.